I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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