1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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