I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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