we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
