I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
