Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
God, I missed his penis.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
