he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
