Don't make out with my wife yet
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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