Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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