Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
