I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
