my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
