saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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