I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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