I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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