3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
