And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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