party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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