I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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