no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
