Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
