she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We're too hungover to prance.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
