i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
