I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
