my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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