seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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