There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Randomize
