I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
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You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
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I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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