i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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how do you play pong handcuffed?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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