return my video game
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
