i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
