you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
