I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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