if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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