I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
