"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
