I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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