I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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