On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
