You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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