I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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