I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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