Having a random hookup so left but love u
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
don't judge my taste in strippers
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
