She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
