I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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