i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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