I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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