is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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