The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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