Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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