Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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