Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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