i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
