i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
