i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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