P.S. I can't hear my feet
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize