i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
