...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
