Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
