blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
