Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
