the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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