I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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