69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
