I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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