It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
