If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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