Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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