I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
