I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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