Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
