why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can feel your judgement through the phone
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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