mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
