I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
