I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
