At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
