the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They are going to name an STD after you.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
