Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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