remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
