You're my little dorito
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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